Thursday, September 29, 2005

Our 11th Anniversary

Hari ini tepat sebelas tahun yang lalu gue melepaskan masa lajangku sebagai anak gadis cantik dari nyokap dan bokap bernama Lisa Damayanti binti Gatot Soedewo. Masih kuingat pagi itu dengan memakai kebaya putih papa menikahkan aku dihadapan penghulu dengan pria pilihan sendiri dan pujaan hati bernama Dudi Hermanto bin H. Abdullah. Kulihat mata ayahanda berlinang2 dan mata ibunda dengan penuh kebanggaan mengantarkan aku menuju seorang istri. Gue sendiri pada waktu itu sekuat tenaga berusaha untuk tidak nangis, dan berhasil!. Sebelas tahun berlalu kini kita telah dikarunia 3 keturunan. 2 orang guanteng2! dan sikecil yang cuantik!. Sebenarnya puisi di bawah ini adalah hadiah perkawinan dari seorang Imam di US untuk mbak Petty-sahabat kita terbaik sewaktu kita masih tinggal di US. Tapi isinya bagus banget. Jadi mbak Petty like to share it kepada kami. MARRIAGE Marriage is about having a voice and a choice. About communication and not manipulation. About completing and not competing with one another. About values that are caught rather than taught. It’s about providing a palace with peace – a home where one feels at home. It’s about in-laws that should never be out-laws. And about building bridges rather than fences: Communication – a bridge to understanding, Openness – a bridge to trust, Respect – a bridge to fondness and Consideration – a bridge to fierce loyalty It’s about sharing secrets that are sacred About loving uniquely, not equally. Drawing from the inexhaustible ocean of love – an all inclusive love of Wife, mother, sister and daughter. Marriages is about love, but also about fear – The fear to fall out of love Fear to grow apart and Fear to take one another rudely for granted. It’s about conflict and managing it well. About differing with dignity And bridging the gap between conflicting tastes and interests. About crises and negotiating a sacred space for one’s partner’s Conflicting interest and emotions. Marriage has its pressures along with its pleasures. The rose of marriage has its thorns and fragrant petals. In it we hug privileges and courageously embrace responsibilities. Marriage is about appreciation and introspection Flexibility and consultation Togetherness in prayer and togetherness at meals. Definitely about forgiveness – the union of two awfully good forgivers Who neither blame nor shame each other. About gentleness and inseparableness (forever hungering and thirsting for each other’s voice and face) Marriage is about tears and smiles Private pain and pleasure – plus public joy. It’s about laughing WITH one another And at times doing silly things – child-like behaviour and talking nonsense. Having a sense of humour and not rumour. It’s about flattery and hyperbole. Marriage is about finding fulfillment emotionally, and spiritually AND sexually Sensuality and spirituality and not mutually exclusive Divorce is not easy to maintain, because we are sexual beings. Partners must guard against monotony in life and in the bedroom. In marriage we set spiritual goals along with material ones It’s the union of two spiritual beings with human experiences Not two human beings with spiritual experiences. It is also about self-sacrifice and trusting about trusting without being gullible About neatness, but making room for comfortable chaos and when children arrive, We neither doubt when we are right nor have certainty when we are wrong. Marriage is about GROWING into love rather than falling into love Romantic love leading to genuine love that never lacks romance. It’s about intimacy that allows for occasional psychological distance It’s about being comfortable with ambivalence: - Leaving room for imperfection, aversion, mistrust, jealousy and self-interest Feeling live and dislike at once Feeling free and imprisoned at once Feeling both at peace and insecure Marriage is not about pettiness or pretense Nor about betrayal or dark sarcasm Belittling or ANY abuse – becoming hysterical or historical In marriage we are mostly curious and rarely furious – avoiding the use of NEVER or ALWAYS We do not smother. IT is not about slavery but rather working willingly like slaves to live like worldly kings And worshipping slaves to live as heavenly queens. A moral fortress – A haven against seriousness A refreshing fountain of comfort A source of enrichment A plunge into the Unknown A sustained commitment to tolerate each other Worth in the end every trouble The gateway to immortal friendship To becoming supermen and superwomen The greatest gift from the Creator Those who experience of marriage is pleasurable, Smile – knowingly In the face of its detractors In celebration of love and marriages Allah SWT's greatest gift. Ya Allah kabulkanlah doa2ku, berikan kami ridha-Mu, jauhkan kami dari api neraka, dan masukkanlah kami ke dalam surga-Mu, Amin Ya Rabbal Alamin.